A modern retelling of the famous fairytale Beauty and the Beast. The opening of a new YA Fantasy series that is supposed to steal hearts, provide breath-taking moments and a lush magical parallel world – but doesn’t.
“There is nothing I need.” Except time, and I haven’t yet seen that for sale.
Title: A Curse so Dark and Lonely
Series: A Curse so Dark and Lonely (#1)
Genre: YA Fantasy
Author: Brigid Kemmerer
Publish Date: 29th January 2019
Pages: 496
Personal Rating: 4/10
Everyone knows the saying “Don’t judge a book by its cover”.
I don’t’ know what your grasp of it is, but in my picky, skeptical and sarcastic eyes that means you should give a book a chance and not object it because of its ugly-looking cover.
Here’s the catch. A Curse so Dark and Lonely has a beautiful and striking cover (I mean have you seen that shimmering effect?!) – but the content is simply one predictable and tedious fail.
My folks, I’ve been a victim of the cover-influencing-purchase offence and, frankly, I feel idiotic about it. Everything about the book was simply too intriguing: A dark and lush sounding title ("A Curse so Dark and Lonely" literally screams hot, dark-haired dude who has some serious issues and needs help from a badass!), a catchy synopsis people fall for (I did, duh – and it confirmed said troubled dark-haired dude who has to be rescued by one badass heroine), and the dusky, shimmering and sumptuous book design – it was all too much to resist.
I want to walk out of the castle and fling myself off a cliff.
I can’t get past the sentiment that this book put me in one temporary meh-mood. And it doesn’t help that the whole hype and praise left me out. Now I want to fling myself off a cliff for sure.
Summary
Fall in love, break the curse.
It once seemed so easy to Prince Rhen, the heir to Emberfall. Cursed by a powerful enchantress to repeat the autumn of his eighteenth year over and over, he knew he could be saved if a girl fell for him. But that was before he learned that at the end of each autumn, he would turn into a vicious beast hell-bent on destruction. That was before he destroyed his castle, his family, and every last shred of hope.
Nothing has ever been easy for Harper Lacy. With her father long gone, her mother dying, and her brother barely holding their family together while constantly underestimating her because of her cerebral palsy, she learned to be tough enough to survive. But when she tries to save someone else on the streets of Washington, DC, she's instead somehow sucked into Rhen's cursed world.
Break the curse, save the kingdom.
A prince? A monster? A curse? Harper doesn't know where she is or what to believe. But as she spends time with Rhen in this enchanted land, she begins to understand what's at stake. And as Rhen realizes Harper is not just another girl to charm, his hope comes flooding back. But powerful forces are standing against Emberfall . . . and it will take more than a broken curse to save Harper, Rhen, and his people from utter ruin
- Goodreads
3 Reasons Why
Against all expectations and my very good appreciation with YA Fantasy books, A Curse so Dark and Lonely crushed it all and I’m like – mehh. Definitely not satisfied. And thus here are my three remarks why I highly recommend to just skip this one and spend your money otherwise.
There is no said hot, dark-haired dude with serious issues who needs a badass heroine to come to his rescue - meh
Tedious 430 pages of nothing - meh
Predictability you’ll smell a rat a lightyear away… mehh
Content
I went into reading A Curse so Dark and Lonely with A Court of Thorns and Roses at the back of my mind. Ok, let that information settle into your brain – and then just simply erase it again. Done? Perfect.
A Curse so Dark and Lonely has nothing in common with the smut series of Sarah J Maas (no shade thrown, ok? I ended up loving the series) except that they’re based on the same fairytale. However, it clearly isn’t a reason why you’ll like A Curse so Dark and Lonely. Don’t bet on that, it’ll take you nowhere.
Let’s start with the slam right here.
Without getting to deep into details and contaminating this review with spoilers, I found the opening of the book a very weak one. We get zero background from Harper to even remotely get to know her, which ends in a fiasco because during the book I simply didn’t grasp her and couldn’t relate nor understand her actions because there was, firsthand, a lack of character development and, secondhand, there was no background to understand her motives.
Aside from the sluggish start of the book, there was that stack of 430 pages of literal BS. Don’t get me wrong (please, do get me wrong because I mean offence in fact) but on the whole there happened shit. Some uninteresting events here, some paint-by-numbers dialogues there, and more description of their fighting uniforms heavy with bracers. Honestly, all this book was about was the many buckles, bracers and plates those dudes and chicks wore and how many daggers one could carry.
Not only was A Curse so Dark and Lonely lacking of genuine, authentic and witty characters (more about that farther down in the spoiler-alert section), which made it really hard to understand and feel with the characters, but also was the prose neither suspenseful nor catchy. I simply couldn’t bring myself to care about that dull stuff. Neither for the characters nor for the whole story. Brigid Kemmerer could have literally blown the whole Emberfall kingdom into oblivion I wouldn’t have cared. More likely I would have laughed.
So, what does one do when there is no exhilarating prose, no thrilling action, no witty characters who can tickle two or ten giggles out of me (I only laughed when they thought about flinging themselves off a cliff – I mean what has gone wrong?), no unpredictable events and generally nothing that managed to even prick my butt cheek? – Correct, one goes for broke on the romance. A round of clapping for you.
I mean, quite comprehensible, no wittiness, no real action, no good shit – at least gimme some smut!
- Motion denied.
Ah, for fuck’s sake! How about slow-burn?
- Motion denied.
Do I get anything in this book at all?!
- Motion denied.
Instead of the slow-burn romance or the never-tiring love-to-hate relationship, we get… yes what exactly? It’s not as if I ever dared to go that far calling the Rhen-Harper relationship remotely a ship or an otp – God forbid. But thanks the heavens we get some corny shit with titles and addresses such as Princess, Your Highness, My Lady, My Lord, Commander and – okay I need to retch now, please, stop.
Honest Words
Well, basically each word I typed in is honest hence I don’t really know what there is left to say without giving away major details.
A Curse so Dark and Lonely definitely didn’t live up to my expectations. I anticipated so much more and got stuck with this heap. I really tried not to get too biased throughout the book especially because it’s a retelling and I seem to have a problem with that, instead stay open – but damn – I got biased and therefore royally failed.
“I’m not going to fall in love with you.” Her words are not a surprise. I sigh. “You won’t be the first.”
Neither will I.
All I wish to say is, if there is someone who needs a copy of A Curse so Dark and Lonely – hit me up. I can provide you one (mine).
Characters
When everything went south the characters could have been the one thing to turn the whole mess into some adequate, literal heap. But since that isn’t the case – the characters make the whole thing worse and uncomfortably insufferable.
Character developments were missing, the POVs sounded exactly the same, the villain of the story was a real corny and blank enchantress (Bohhhhhhh-ring!), and neither Rhen, Harper nor Grey were really graspable nor soundly authentic. They’re just bleak, boring and have no depth. – Yes, this is a rant, smartass.
The main characters Harper, Rhen and Grey are:
too sorry-ass
too blond
too loyal
And I am sick of it.
Harper (Spoiler-alert)
Aka Cheap-Copy-Daenerys
or Patchwork Quilt
or Martyr Harper
or Princess of Disi
I don’t even want to think about how quickly he’s gone from captor to jailer to savior.
Coincidence. Me neither.
The heroine of the story is a total ungraspable and ignorant nuisance.
Harper No-Last-Name is in her last year of high school and she is notably absent. Instead of learning stuff at school she supports her brother Jake, who beats up people instead of working at a coffee shop, with playing lookout. Before we even get the chance to know anything about her the frightened girl suddenly thinks “omg a blonde is being kidnapped in front of my eyes, I have to throttle the dude – ah there is a tire iron lying randomly on the ground” (I recommend reading that in a high-pitched voice) and she gets herself kidnapped, stranding in a parallel word, stuck with a lazy ass prince and a gloomy commander.
From there on a rollercoaster of inconsistency and out-of-character actions begins, and I just find it viscerally annoying.
She’s kidnapped by two armed dudes and brought into a foreign palace where they lock her up, and what does Harper No-Last-Name do? – She tries to escape only once, ends up saving random people with her non-existing fighting skills, makes up a royal title for herself in the process, and then just strolls back to her jailors as if they’ve been friends for years. – Princess of Disi that is, bitches.
Two days in Emberfall and Harper gives zero shits about her brother in danger, her dying mother – I mean why should she care, right? – nor that she walks alongside her kidnappers. She gives more flying shits about the poor people in Emberfall than the little fraction of her past aka seventeen years of her life in the human world.
Right after she declares…
“I’m not going to fall in love with you,” she says.
…she’s dancing with the one-brain-cell oaf and splutters…
“I want to trust you.” “I want – I want to know it’s real.”
Yeah, and I want someone to punch me into the face.
More nonsense without priorities and consistency happens, then, suddenly, a change of heart and the Princess of Disi (it’s so pathetic that everyone believes her – that would mean that the entire kingdom of Emberfall consists of dumbasses. I can’t believe that.) wants to go back to her recent new-found affection for her troubled family.
She actually succeeds, her mother croaks two minutes after she gets back and she’s like “Alright, I’m done here, Jake you’re an overprotective moron and mom bites the dust, which we all do not care about (thank god), I’ll return home – that being Emberfall – and quickly piss off. Bye bitches.”
*double sigh*
Kemmerer, please, give me at least one reasonable and realistic explanation why she chooses Emberfall over her family. Like “I am done with this shit – I want my own fairytale and a one-brain-celled prince” or “currently enjoying a clash of clans irl”. Just don’t give me that nonsense crap.
A mission of martyrdom. Just like Rhen jumping from the parapet in an attempt to save his people.
- Hahahah! They’re both imbeciles, my ass.
Rhen (Spoiler-alert)
Aka I-live-in-a-place-called-my-butthole
I have two men to fight at my side – and that’s a one hundred percent improvement over yesterday.
He’ll turn eighteen for the three hundred twenty-seventh (327) time and only when the patchwork quilt appears, the thought occurs to him that he technically could built an army and save his people who were doomed and starving because of him. Wow, standing ovation for the one-brain-cell man Rhen.
From page 21 on our fate was sealed – Rhen and I would never become friends - because his genetics failed him.
The blond man is already there, reaching to grab me.
No! No, no, no! Where is my hot, dark-haired troubled dude who needs a badass to come to his rescue?! Where?
It was definitely me who let out a frustrated scream from her bedroom and punched her bed mattress. The male love interest is blond! BLonD! Not even a salt white blond nor an ash blond – no! – normal blond. You want to kill me, huh?
“Lord Vincent Aldrhen, Prince of Emberfall, son of Broderick, King of the Eastern Lands.”
- Yeah, quit bragging and grow some balls.
I’m glad the author thought about all those ridiculous titles just to be used once in the whole book, but again – you have my thanks.
What should I say more? Rhen was simply a joke who managed nothing, not even the simplest tasks. At one point it got so hilarious I had a laughing fit.
Rhen tried to sacrifice himself to protect his people. Even in his last effort to beat Lilith at something, he failed.
It gets even better.
“At this point, I’ve tried everything. A fall from a great height. Impalement by whatever you can imagine. Drowning. I ordered Grey to behead me once, because I was curious, but he refused - “
Hahahah. Hello, Groundhog Day.
Grey (Spoiler-alert)
Aka Scary Grey
Or Half-brother of one-brain-cell Rhen
“Grey. Please.” I turn for the door. “Grey is dead, Mother. That is all you need to know.”
Woah, woah, woah, TT. Calm your tits and get off that Taylor-Swift-Bitch horse, you’re scaring the shit out of me.
The lonely commander who sticks with Rhen for God-knows-what reason and who only cares about how many more bracers he can strap around his limbs. Weapons for breakfast, weapons for lunch and weapons for dinner.
“Put your weapons away before you hurt yourself.”
Playlist
At this point I’ll just repeat it, I loved everything around the book. The book cover, the synopsis and also the playlist I made (She that praises herself spatters herself – yeah, and shut up). Just everything inside the book posed some major problems.
For everyone out there who actually wants to enjoy this book and disregards my warnings, or to those who miraculously came across a copy themselves and fear to suffer from the same fate I did – I hope this playlist will have a positive effect on your reading experience.
A Curse so Dark and Lonely Playlist
Two People – Something to Talk About
Ashe – Moral of the Story
Peking Duk, Jack River – Sugar
Halsey – Empty Gold
Always Never – Space Between
Kevin Garret – In Case I Don’t Feel
Allie X – Little Things
DeathbyRomy – Shadow
Imagine Dragons – Believer
Andrew Belle – Down
EZI – Need You Like That
Kevin Garrett – Precious
SVEA – Die For You
The sequel to A Curse so Dark and Lonely will be out on 28th January 2020. A Heart so Fierce and Broken will be the second installment of the series and – I’m not gonna lie about it – I very likely won’t read it unless I will be provided a free copy. So… That’s that.
Comment what your opinion was to A Curse so Dark and Lonely. I am open for discussions so don’t hesitate roasting me if you liked the book.
Read my 2-star review of A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer on Goodreads and follow me there to check out the books I've read and are on my to-do list.
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